"Superstars" of Dance

I suppose you could call this "live blogging" cause I am writing this as I watch. I haven't completely written this show off, not completely but close. I'll give it at least one more episode, maybe two. The Superstars of Dance is a great premise and I had high hopes for the show. 

I love the Shooby Dooby Dooby Dance i.e. So You Think You Can Dance and I thought oooh this could be fun. (BTW does anyone else think that the theme to that show says, "Shooby Dooby Dooby Dance" and not "So You Think You Can Dance?")

Anyway...so I thought that this could be a kick ass dance show highlighting great dance of the world. I am a bit let down, this show is not Shooby Dooby and I think it is a half assed attempt. 

Here is what is wrong:

1. Letting the judges say the score in their native language. Half the time it sounds like they are choking or saying "bad eight" or "not nine," which is just confusing.

2. African dances. Bitches get with it. You are from AFRICA, not Detroit, AFRICA! Represent, damn. I've been to Africa and I must say the kids that greeted us off the bus danced better. Come on, you have history and culture and beat and rhythm, don't dress like miners and beat garbage cans. If I wanted to see that I would go to Stomp. They should have busted out some grand tribal dance with feathers and war paint...not headlamps! You. Are. From. AFRICA!

3. Indian dances. Come on! You are from INDIA! Do your fancy sari, bindi, hand cymbals, India dance shit right. Did you just find out you were coming to a dance competition? They weren't even together.

4. The dancers. Half these dancers wouldn't make it through the first round of Shooby Dooby. More often than not they are flailing around on the ground...and not in the good interpretive dance, weeping willow, broken shoulder sort of way.

5. Coaches. Skip the coaching and buy a choreographer.

5a. The dances suck. I'm no expert but come on Shooby Dooby can light some fire on a tango so can you. Show me something fast and exciting. Toss that bitch around, do a flip, anything, please. 

5b. Spinning in circles is not dancing, it is spinning in circles. My nieces love to do that and I am doing it right now, doesn't make me a dancer.

6. No critique. Ok, until this moment I have always said I kind of hate the judges because of their snarky comments and unhelpful criticism. I think now I miss it. Competition shows need judges with personality, I miss Mary's scream and hot tamale train nonsense, Simon's nasty looks and man boobs, and Paula's intoxicated rambles.

7. For the love of God do not mention Fred Astaire again. We get it, he was good, but he was born in 1899, yes thats right EIGHTEEN HUNDRED (sure the late 1800's but still) and he died in 1987. No wonder this show might suck, according to Superstars there hasn't been good dancing in at the very least 22 years.

8. Michael Flatley. His name says it all, FLAT. So you use a teleprompter, try to make it look like you aren't reading it.

Here is what is right:

1. Pasha and Anya...and Pasha (swoon) from Shooby Dooby.

2. The weird pop-locker from Shooby Dooby.

3. The Shaolin monks from China and especially those little monklettes (the little ones that kicked ass.) Who doesn't like a flippy monk...this is why I like Mortal Kombat. And the one crazy monk balanced on spears! They weren't the best dancers, but they were exciting and did flips. Hey Africa, this is what you should have done except with the feathers and furs and war paint and tribal dancing....not garbage cans from Home Depot.

4. Topless boys. 

5. Pasha (he gets his own number too.)

We will see if tomorrow night gets any better.

I give it "A One Legged Tranny Playing Dance Dance Revolution"...not good.