Overheard

At my house after the Stanley Cup

Chris: They should stop kissing the cup and start kissing each other.

I Want a Banana Costume

Wish I Could See the Dress

I'm designing materials for an upcoming wedding and it may be the most ghetto thing I've come across. As they are to light the Unity Candle they wanted it to say, "We light the candle in membrence of....." Membrance? I corrected it, "Remembrance" and sent a proof only to have them insist I had it wrong and to put membrance back in.
Ok, its your wedding.

Ghetto Names

So funny. I love Watermelondrea.

There Are Zombies On My Law-awn

I kind of love this stupid little song for the game Plants vs. Zombies and it sticks in my head for the WHOLE day. Which means I sound a little ridiculous singing in public "There's a zombie on your law-awn, we don't want zombies on the lawn." I kind of want it on my iPhone. I bought the game and it is totally a fun little time waster.

Lucky's Funeral

This is too cute. I love that Dad tosses Mom under the bus a few times.

Why Terminators Transport Naked

Funny.

I Care Damnit!

I have an addiction.

I am addicted to the reusable cloth bags you can buy from the grocery store. Sure I feel all green and snotty when I pullout my fancy bag when asked if I want paper or plastic, but truth be told I just love these damn bags. We own like 15 and I have some everywhere, in my car, in my scooter, in my backpack. They're like between 79¢ and 99¢, so if I forget mine, I just buy a new one AND they work way better than the other bags.

Last night on our way to Kate and Alex's for HIMYM episodes we stopped to get big salads at Whole Foods (I love me a big veggie salad.) In the checkout line, of course I forgot my bag and of course they have a bunch there for sale. Then my eyes happen upon one of the fanciest little bags I have yet seen. It is all burlap and earthy feeling, it folds and zips into a perfect little clutchy/purse looking thing. As I hastily grab one I see out of the corner of my eye that the purchase will feed people in Rwanda. PERFECT!

The checker scans my little bag and then asks me, "You know what this bag is about right?"

"Yeah," I say, "it feeds people."

"It will feed 100 people in Rwanda," he says.

In my head I first think, "Awesome." Then I think, "Wait, how does my 79¢ bag feed 100 people. I mean I've been to Uganda and yes things are cheap but you can't feed 100 people on 79¢. Oh no, how much is it?"

And I say, "How much is it?"

"$25"

And before the bag actually goes across the scanner I have this full conversation and fight with the people behind me...completely in my head.

"I shouldn't buy that, I don't have $25 for a bag. I mean I am so almost always broke. Wait, if I say I don't want it now the people behind me are going to think I am an asshole and that I don't care about hunger and poverty. Oh hell. Stop judging me people...I'm going to Africa in July! See I care! I'm gonna build a school. I honestly care. Fuck."

Bleep and my new bag goes across the scanner.

In the car I tell Chris the whole story, he laughs and says he could see the whole thing happening in my head. Oh well, it is a cool bag, it fits nicely in the scooter and hey, I fed 100 people last night.

Morning Wood

When I stumbled on this site I had to laugh out loud.

Oh the pain of waking up with a full bladder and the sail at full mast. Men know...it is nearly impossible to pee down when the hose is pointing up and most often we end up pissing all over the toilet, the wall, the cat, the floor, ourselves, the dog, a pretty plant given as a housewarming present (I kid).

I hope that one day I walk in on Chris like this.



Other creative solutions. Oh these might be a little NSFWish.

Facebook

"A sadness tinged with arousal."

Intensive Purposes

I'm talking with someone the other day (being intentionally vague) and she is talking and talking and talking and talking and talking. It's a ramblefest about some TV show that I have never seen, will never see and have NO desire to see....it's on the Family Channel, so even if I had cable I'm fairly certain that TFC is not on my regular viewing short list.

She is talking about Dan who is blah blah with Rachel, who is blah blah, and then there is Randy who likes blah blah but grew up blah blah...and on and on and on. Let me remind you these aren't real people...it's a TV show. I have NO idea why she is telling me this cause I told her I haven't a clue who these people are but she just keeps talking.

At about minute 12 I click off, like really clicked off. I was watching her mouth move and pretending to listen but had completely stopped hearing what she was saying. This goes on for at least another 7 minutes and then my subconsious hears this "...blah, blah, blah, for all intensive purposes, blah, blah, blah..." WAIT WHAT?!?!

Oh thank you the part of my brain that can pay some sort of attention. Since then she has used "for all intensive purposes" a number of times. Should I tell her it is "intents and purposes?" I rather enjoy hearing the mistake, makes me giggle inside and I think I might like whatever an intensive purpose is...sounds cool.

How I love intensive purposes...I might make that my blog name.

Star Wars

Retold by someone who hasn’t seen it but has only seen snippets.

I was just bent over tying my shoe...

I think this is on a show, The Principal's Office on TruTV. I don't get it with our rabbit ears but saw this clip and I love these boys and their smart-assery.

Man-bitch Ho-bag

The View irritates me 99.997% of the time because Sherri is usually an idiot and Elizabeth is a religious bigot. This, however, makes me smile wide because as much as I can't stand The View, I genuinely hate that man-bitch ho bag Ann Coulter. At one point I thought Sherri was gonna beat her ass for picking on her grandma, er I mean Barbara.

Buy me this....

Would it be offensive if I wore this? If not someone buy it for me.

via

Elf'd

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

12 Days of Christmas

This might be the best version of 12 Days of Christmas. I love these guys!



Which is a bit different from this...the near to gayest thing ever.



Gotta love men that can sing, eh?

Carol of the Bells

So you better see these before I have to take them down (and get divorced.) The first one is my AWESOME hubby doing interpretive dance to Carol of the Bells (his favorite Christmas Mithras Song.) And so he doesn't feel lonely, the second is him and our friend Leah doing more interpretive dance to the Linus and Lucy song. Yes they are a little drunk.

BTW this is why I love him, he isn't just putting on a drunken show...he does this kind of thing ALL the time. Aren't I lucky (honestly.)

EVERY TIME I watch these I laugh.



At about :18 in this one we get a great Saturday Night Fever kind of dancy thing.

Mmmmm...Shredded Tweet

This is pretty funny, but I guarantee I would kill someone if they did it to me.
The video has some NSFW language so turn it down a little.

Oh, You Little Gaywads

Oh now I know why they wear those chastity rings or virgin belts or whatever they're called.