Things That Go Bump in the Night

I love owning a house and I think it's a cute little house. Sure it's not exactly what we wanted but for a first home, I'm not sure we could have landed in a better place (and we got an amazing deal.) This September we will have been in the house for 2 years.

Before the house, for 10 years, I hadn't lived in places with multiple entry points. 

I usually lived in an apartment off of the ground floor and was never worried about the possibility of someone breaking in through a window or screen door. For the first 6 months I would wake up nearly every night certain that someone was rummaging though our house stealing shit. I'd sit straight up, listen and eventually sneak downstairs in my underwear wielding a bat. This routine drove Chris a little crazy; 1. he is easily scared and gets WAY freaked out when I bolt upright in bed and 2. he is such a bitch when he doesn't get a full night's rest. 

The second 6 months saw my nightly undie patrols move from every night to once every two or three days. From there I've heard noises less and less and now I jump up maybe once a month or so.

Last night Chris bolted upright, certain he heard some noise. He never does this so of course it freaks me out a bit. He says he heard something that sounds like if you "were in an empty, unfinished basement and someone has a metal tin filled with water and then someone has a drumstick and is tapping the tin every 5 seconds." What? WTF is that? How in the hell did he come up with that shit? And every 5 seconds? Really?

Then he says, "I think it was coming from outside, like the noise was filling the whole neighborhood." What?!? WTF? My husband has lost his mind. BUT since I'm a bit loony myself I get a little X-Files scared....Alien invasion? Secret government testing? A serial killer with a drumstick and washtub? Zombies? (cause doesn't everything really lead to zombies) 

I stayed awake until I heard him breathing heavy and then eventually fell asleep. This morning I think I know what happened. My husband is a 5 year old and is not allowed to play, watch or read anything scary before bed. He played Dead Space and dreamt of space zombies, he read World War Z and dreamt of neighbor zombies, watched 2 Weeks Later and dreamt of European zombies (see it all comes back to zombies.) Right now he is reading the Watchmen comic, so my theory is that he had some bizarre Rorschachian dream (sorry no zombies) and woke up thinking it was real. He is probably gonna refute my theory but I'm pretty sure I'm right. 

Oh well, he sleeps weird but I'm lucky to share a house and a life with him.