Lock My Car

I "order" some new pens (cause I am a particular bitch with my pens...need to be 1.0 mm or I can't use them), computer cleaner and some cd labels from our Administrative Assistant (yes one of the two Wonder Twins of stupidity.) She goes and gets the shit then forgets it all in her car so I volunteer to go get it.

"Here is my key and you'll need to push this button right here to unlock the car"

My head voice, "Oh you mean the fucking button that looks like an unlocked lock?"

"And after you close it make sure you lock it and to do that push this button twice and be sure it locks."

My head voice, "Oh you mean the fucking button that looks like a locked lock? Look, I know how to work a fucking auto car lock, I have one on my car and BTW this isn't a new invention. Just because this is the first car you've bought since the invention of the color TV doesn't make it new. "

"Oh and make sure you hear the horn honk cause that means it worked."

My head voice, "No shit."

My outside voice, "Will do."